{"product_id":"kash-patel-fbi-director","title":"Kash Patel FBI Director","description":"The FBI just got its new director: Kash Patel — the man who went from getting bullied in high school to now running the place that used to bully everyone else.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCongratulations, Kash. You finally made it. From wide-eyed cartoon character staring into the abyss with those massive anime eyes, to sitting behind the big desk at the Hoover Building. The ultimate revenge arc for every hall monitor who got wedgied in gym class.\u003cbr\u003e\nNow instead of crying into his My Little Pony pillow, he gets to sign warrants at 3 a.m. while wearing a suit two sizes too big for his fragile ego. The Department of Homeland Insecurity’s greatest export has finally been promoted to the big leagues.\u003cbr\u003e\nExpect the FBI under Kash Patel to be extremely efficient at:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n-Investigating parents at school board meetings\u003cbr\u003e\n-Losing laptops with classified documents\u003cbr\u003e\n-Raiding the wrong houses (but with extra tactical flair this time)\u003cbr\u003e\n-Writing strongly worded memos about “threats to democracy” that somehow always target the current administration’s political opponents\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nHe’ll probably rename the Hostage Rescue Team to the “Former High School Victims Strike Force” and issue every agent a participation trophy and a tiny American flag pin just like his.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWelcome to the FBI, Director Patel.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nMay your tenure be as competent as your crayon portrait and as intimidating as your resting “I just saw the ghost of J. Edgar Hoover” face.\u003cbr\u003e\nThe deep state didn’t see this coming… mostly because they were too busy laughing at the big-eyed portrait on the wall.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz.\/yd.² (142 g\/m²)\u003cbr\u003e\n• Pre-shrunk fabric\u003cbr\u003e\n• Side-seamed construction\u003cbr\u003e\n• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDisclaimer: The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through, especially in lighter colors or under certain lighting conditions.","brand":"Social Media Sucks","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":47199662506133,"sku":"8129872_9561","price":15.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":47199662538901,"sku":"8129872_6948","price":15.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":47199662571669,"sku":"8129872_6949","price":15.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":47199662604437,"sku":"8129872_6950","price":15.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":47199662637205,"sku":"8129872_6951","price":15.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":47199662669973,"sku":"8129872_6952","price":18.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":47199662702741,"sku":"8129872_6953","price":20.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":47199662735509,"sku":"8129872_6954","price":23.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":47199662768277,"sku":"8129872_12876","price":26.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0767\/2505\/9733\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-athletic-heather-front-69c8237bdcbc3.jpg?v=1774723988","url":"https:\/\/socialmediasucks.org\/products\/kash-patel-fbi-director","provider":"Social Media Sucks","version":"1.0","type":"link"}