Homeland Absurdity
XS
$15.50
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Ah, the Department of Homeland Insecurity — America's premier agency for turning "protect the homeland" into the world's most expensive game of security theater.
While the rest of us were figuring out how to adult, the rejects who couldn't hack it anywhere else found their spiritual home at ICE. You know the type: the guys who were definitely bullied in high school — wedgied, shoved into lockers, and called names during lunch. They spent their formative years getting their lunch money taken, so now they get to wear tactical gear, kick in doors at 5 a.m., and finally live out their revenge fantasy against anyone who looks vaguely "foreign."
Congratulations, fellas — you went from getting swirlies in the boys' bathroom to giving the entire country a permanent wedgie. The Department of Homeland Security: where the insecure finally get to feel secure... by making everyone else feel way less secure.
They couldn't make the football team, they couldn't get the girl, but damn if they can't ruin someone else's day with a badge and a bad attitude. Peak "I peaked in high school... as the victim" energy.
Welcome to the DHS: Keeping America safe from... whatever scares the former hall monitors this week.
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
Disclaimer: The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through, especially in lighter colors or under certain lighting conditions.
Homeland Absurdity
$15.50
While the rest of us were figuring out how to adult, the rejects who couldn't hack it anywhere else found their spiritual home at ICE. You know the type: the guys who were definitely bullied in high school — wedgied, shoved into lockers, and called names during lunch. They spent their formative years getting their lunch money taken, so now they get to wear tactical gear, kick in doors at 5 a.m., and finally live out their revenge fantasy against anyone who looks vaguely "foreign."
Congratulations, fellas — you went from getting swirlies in the boys' bathroom to giving the entire country a permanent wedgie. The Department of Homeland Security: where the insecure finally get to feel secure... by making everyone else feel way less secure.
They couldn't make the football team, they couldn't get the girl, but damn if they can't ruin someone else's day with a badge and a bad attitude. Peak "I peaked in high school... as the victim" energy.
Welcome to the DHS: Keeping America safe from... whatever scares the former hall monitors this week.
• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
Disclaimer: The fabric is slightly sheer and may appear see-through, especially in lighter colors or under certain lighting conditions.